Monday, July 28, 2008

Mercury: A Cycling Tale

Tadashi A. from Oregon is one of my friends. He finished making my cycling cap this weekend and is getting started on another one. You so rock! Just check out his skilled work (below). Tadashi is an avid biker, as many Oregonians are. I'm glad to know that my cycling cap isn't just decorative. But be advised, please, please, please, always wear a helmet. I've seen too many bad bike accidents here in New York, most of them involved opened car doors in the bike lane.

Josh advised me on smoking: "Get a bike!" — I've got some vertigo issues and by nature I'm as graceful as an albatross on land. In Brooklyn, me + bike = certain death under a car. Until the NicoDerm patch comes out with "For Senstive Skin with Aloe" I'm smoking ultra-light cigarettes. My straegy is to shame myself into quitting. What kind of moron pays $8.50 for ultra lights? SHAME!

I've actually owned a few bikes in my life time, but I have particularly bad bike Karma. In college I got hit head on by car on my way to work. A car ran a light and threw me over its hood. The driver asked "Mohawk dude, are you OK?" In shock I checked myself and said "I think so." Then he said "Bitchin'" and sped off. I was bruised but fine, but my blue Fuji 5-speed was totaled.

Another time, my college aparment was robbed. It took a day to realize that it wasn't my piggish roommate borrowing my stuff. Our place was in fact ransacked and burgled. Missing: my silver bike, my camera, vinyl, hair gel(??)... but worst of all, the theif had time to make a sandwhich and use the bathroom.

Once on my paper route, I was attacked by a pack of wild boonie dogs. I had to crash my bike and jump a fence. My Huffy's frame was completely bent. "Boonie dogs?" you might be asking. That was Guam in the '70s, they kept the rat snake population down — and overweight 6th-grade paperboys for that matter. I'll tell you, I didn't keep that job for much longer.

Where was I going with all this... anyhow, bikes are cool by me. I like the colors that Tadashi chose, they look very "Timberland". Two color combinations have a clean classic appeal. Three colors need some thinking. Four might look like a clown car, use your best judgement people. I recommend cotton yarns for summer. Tadashi used Cascade Superwash 220, a 100% wool machine-washable wool — that's a plus for an avid biker. Just don't toss it into the dryer, unless you want to shrink it down for a medium-size dog or a child.

This 8-page Mercury Cycling Cap pattern comes in men's M, L, and XL. It's now available for sale via and PayPal. $10.00 USD.

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